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BULLYING & CHILD ON CHILD ABUSE

WRITTEN by SERVICES FOR EDUCATION

In this edition you will find top tips, information and resources to support parents with keeping their children safe

In this edition around BULLYING & CHILD ON CHILD ABUSE, we’ll look at:

  • What are bullying and child on child abuse? – helping you to understand what they are and what they can look like.
  • Spotting the signs – how would you know if your child was being bullied? What can you be on the lookout for?
  • Having the conversation – how to broach the subject- whether your child is the victim or the perpetrator.
  • Top tips for positive friendships – how can you support and encourage positive relationships?
  • What to do when it happens to you – some top tips for accessing help and support for your child.
  • Resources and Signposts – where to look for help, advice and guidance.


WHAT ARE BULLYING AND CHILD ON CHILD ABUSE?

Child-on-child abuse is defined as any form of abuse committed by one child against another. This includes physical, sexual and emotional abuse. Child on child abuse can happen both inside and outside of school or social settings and can also take place online. Bullying comes under the umbrella term of child-on-child abuse and can take many different forms.

Child-on-child abuse often involves a power imbalance, such as differences in age, ability, or social status and it’s important to remember that both the perpetrator and the victim can be harmed by this type of abuse and whatever the type of bullying or abuse is- it is always unacceptable.

The most common types of bullying or abuse for primary aged children are:

  • Physical bullying or abuse: Which is where one child aims to cause physical pain or injury to their victim, this could include hitting, kicking, biting, etc.
  • Verbal bullying or abuse: This is the use of words to upset, intimidate or hurt a victim’s feelings. This can include name calling, threats, emotional abuse and victimisation.
  • Sexual abuse: This is any unwanted sexual contact, including touching, exposure, or sexual activity. This can and does happen in primary aged children.
  • Social bullying or abuse: Which is where there is often more than one perpetrator and involves leaving children out, ganging up or social isolation.
  • Cyberbullying: The use of technology to harass, threaten, or embarrass someone. This can include sending hurtful messages, spreading rumours, or posting embarrassing photos online.

Where can it happen?

Bullying and child-on-child abuse can take place anywhere, but it’s most common in places where people gather regularly. This includes schools, social settings and as well as online. Online bullying, or cyberbullying, can take place on social media platforms, gaming forums, or messaging apps.

In all cases, bullying and child-on-child abuse is intentional and is aimed at causing the victim pain, distress or upset. This is often from repeated action, but it is important to remember, it can also be a one-off event.


SPOTTING THE SIGNS

As children move through primary school, they will likely experience unkind comments here or there or fallings out with their friends- these are normal parts of children’s social development and are a chance for them to hone their skills in maintaining friendships and positive relationships.

But sometimes children will experience more targeted unkindness or bullying- which can be from their classmates, peers or even friends- so what do you need to be on the lookout for to ensure quick action can be taken?

It is important to remember that every child is different and therefore will react to bullying and child on child abuse in a totally different way. But you are the expert on your child, you know their normal and their personality- so here are some things to look out for which might be out of the ordinary…

Emotional Changes Physical Changes Behavioural Changes
Unexplained changes in mood:
Your child may seem sad, upset, withdrawn or angry.		 Unexplained marks or injuries:
Cuts, bruises, marks or sore spots on their bodies which cannot be easily explained. Children may say they do not know where a mark came from.		 Changes in school performance:
Children may find it harder to concentrate and engage at school which could lead to lack of progress or even regression. If they are missing school, there may also be gaps in their learning.
Low self-esteem:
They might lack self-worth, saying unkind things about themselves or saying that they are not good at certain things.		 Lost or damaged belongings:
Your child might claim to have misplaced certain items or not tell the truth about how things got broken. This could also happen with money.		 Changes in social behaviour:
They may start removing themselves from social situations, no longer talk about particular friends or groups or become withdrawn and not want to be around other children.
Loss of interest in activities:
They may be disinterested in their favourite things or not want to get involved with activities as a family. 		 Avoiding certain places or situations:
They may start refusing to go to school or to attend a club or activity they usually love. They may be reluctant to leave the house at all		 Self-destructive behaviour:
Some children may also undertake dangerous or worrying coping strategies to try and make themselves feel better. This could include self-harm, disordered eating or substance misuse.
Difficulty sleeping:
They may have trouble falling or staying asleep or wake in the night with bad dreams or worries. 		    
Changes in eating habits:
Some children may over or under- eat to deal with their emotions. They may lose their appetite or go off foods they love.		    
Unexplained physical symptoms: Some children will start having headaches or tummy aches or other unexplained aches and pains, they may just generally feel unwell or rundown.

 

    


HAVING THE CONVERSATION

If you suspect your child is being bullied, it can be really difficult to manage your own emotions. No one wants to see their child hurt or upset, but it is essential that children are given time to talk and know that you are on their side.

Here are some top tips for talking to your child if they are being bullied:

  1. Choose the right time and place: Give your child your undivided attention and make sure they feel comfortable to talk.
  2. Use open-ended questions: Using general questions such as, “Describe one great and one not so great thing in your day?” can help a child to open-up and get talking. Use an emotions wheel to help your child identify how they are feeling.
  3. Listen actively: Pay full attention to your child when they speak and use active listening techniques like nodding, maintaining eye contact, and repeating what they’ve said to show that you’re listening and that what they have to say is important.
  4. Be patient: It may take time for your child to open-up about their experiences. Don’t pressure them to talk if they’re not ready. It might help to get them to write or draw their feelings if they can’t find the words.
  5. Validate their feelings: Let your child know that their feelings are valid and that it’s okay to feel upset, angry, or scared. Try not to minimise their experiences or tell them to “just ignore it.”
  6. Avoid applying any blame to your child: Reassure them that they are not responsible for the bullying. Even if they did do something wrong- it is never an excuse for bullying to take place.
  7. Reassure them: Let your child know that you believe them and that you’re there to support them. Reassure them that there are things that can be done to improve the situation and that you will help them with this.
  8. And lastly, try to stay calm: We know this is easier said than done, but even if you’re angry or upset, try to remain calm and collected whilst you are talking to your child. They will likely pick up on your emotions and this may cause them to shut down or not tell you things in the future.

But what if your child is the bully?

If you know your child is displaying bullying or abusive behaviour, it can be just as upsetting or damaging, and it is essential it is dealt with as quickly as possible. Firstly, acknowledge the problem and understand the seriousness. It is unlikely to go away on its own and it is not just part of “kids being kids”. You will need to have an open and honest conversation with your child, sharing your concerns, but also letting them know that you are there to support them.

You will then need to try and identify the root causes. Are there any underlying issues that could be causing your children to behave this way? For example, stress, their own insecurities or being bullied themselves? You need to help them to understand the impact of their actions, including teaching them about empathy and positive relationships. Try to work on positive social skills such as effective communication and problem-solving to help them work better with others. Talk to the pastoral team at your child’s school, as they should be able to support you with this through activity suggestions and social stories.

Make it very clear to your child that bullying and abusive behaviour is unacceptable and, where appropriate, apply consequences for repeated behaviour. Open regular communication with the school to allow for ongoing monitoring and sharing of information and should the problem persist, you may want to consider seeking professional support from a counsellor or therapist.


WHAT TO DO IF IT HAPPENS TO YOU

If you think that your child is the victim or perpetrator of child-on-child abuse, your first port of call should be the school or lead adult where the bullying is taking place. Calmly highlight the issue and explain how your child is feeling. Refer to the anti-bullying or safeguarding policies where appropriate. Stay in regular communication to allow for monitoring, feedback and support.

There are also external charities and organisations who offer guidance, support and advice around bullying. These can be useful to look at with your child (where age appropriate) as they often have resources or information which can support both victim and perpetrator.

 

SUPER RESOURCES FOR YOU TO USE AND TO SHARE

WHERE TO FIND SUPPORT

  • The Waiting Room – A central place which brings together websites, who provide help and support across Birimngham and Solihull: the-waitingroom.org

Page Last Modified:  18/11/2024 09:58